Things Happen.

It’s been awhile since I wrote a blog entry, and honestly I think it’s pretty obvious that I suck at really keeping up with it. But I keep on powering through; eventually I will reach a point where I post almost every week. I considered like waiting till I had inspiration to write things and just set up a timer to just post things on its own. Which I can do that actually. Lol.

A lot has happen with in the last few weeks. I started a new job, the school semester is almost over, I’ve filled out my application for a degree for graduation next year in May, My aunt passed away, and I’ve made new friends and questioned decisions. And a lot of this has happen in the time span of only one week!

Saturday 12, 2016 my aunt passed away early that morning. It’s still surreal and there’s moments I’ve spent this week talking to my grandmother about things coming up or plans that were made or we wanted to make, and we say her name, forgetting that, she’s gone. I cried hard that day, but at the same time, I’ve become numb to the whole situation and have had to force myself to keep going forward because time doesn’t stop. Even my grandmother, who I know is suffering more than any of us, because this was her daughter, and the second daughter she has lost at that. She is even forcing herself forward, and her more than anyone, I wish could sit and just let it all out.

There is a lot of things I regret and there is times I’m very aware that I am not the best granddaughter in the world and I feel I’m more of a hindrance and a burden to her then of any use or assistance. There are moments where I think to myself, that I need to move out as quickly as I can, not because I don’t want to live with her, but because I think she will be better off without me in the way. (if any family is reading this, please, I don’t really want to talk about it too much, it’s between me and grams, love you though). It’s talked about often between us and it’s enough for now.

I started a new job too, I’m working in a pharmacy now, and I really like this job quite a bit. On a funnier note, (sorry Will, love you <3) I’ve been hit on more times in my first three weeks at Walgreen's then I was in the first three months I worked at Logan's. I’ll be the first to admit I’m a friendly and very flirtatious person, sometimes too flirty, but I’m not really complaining either. I’m enjoying myself for once. And who knows, by the third month my next blog entry about work will be about how much I hate it lol.

I’ve made some really neat friends through Walgreen already, which is so great, I even found out my new bestie’s mother was one of the teachers who inspired me to want to teach! Go figure huh! I’ve also already made a few decisions I am regretting, but I don’t want to go into details about that, the events are still unfolding and I’d like to see where it goes before I have to walk away. That’s life though, we make choices, some good, some bad, it’s what we do after that can determine if we make up for them or make them grow.

One of these things I’ve learned these last three weeks have also been, take everything with a grain of salt, that’s hard as hell for me, everything always feels like a typhoon rushing at me, but I’m trying to bite a little smaller into the problems before I take them head on completely. I’ve also learned that, I can’t not take things seriously as well, everything needs to be balanced and assessed carefully, somethings can be let go but others I have to stop and think about what the next step should be, because it could affect not just myself but another person as well. I also learned that, taking a chance on something, should be considered more carefully, spontaneous decisions are great for some, but I’m not good at judging if the situation calls for a spontaneous combustion or not.

Last night I also learned that my favorite YouTube users Texan in Tokyo would be leaving YouTube (I haven't checked their website to see if they are leaving there blog to) for the next step in their life. I want to cry so hard about their leaving! Grace is an inspiration to me in so many different ways it’s almost impossible to comprehend. I always refer back to her many videos and comics and blogs for various advice on general life. Even though she lives in japan, and her advice is more about living there, the general idea can still be applied to everywhere. Especially her advice on interracial – intercultural relationships! Because the advice is still basically the same, no matter what kind of relationship you have with someone! The best thing is, I really support them for the choice they are making, and I wish them the best of luck on their next big adventure!

I also learned another important lesson; I learned that no matter how much you think you know about life, you still don’t know everything. I learned you will never truly figure life out, because life is always moving and changing, and if you don’t keep up, in your own ways, things will leave you behind. No matter what you do, keep walking, walk slow if you need to, but when you’re ready, run as hard as you can.

My next big adventure is coming, and I’m scared as hell, but I can’t stop, cause if I stop, I won’t keep going.